I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
