I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
ttyl tear gas
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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