new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
