party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Randomize
