NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
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