So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
