I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
