We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Randomize
