I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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