I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
