the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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