I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
