she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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