In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
