i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
