bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
