We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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