What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
