Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
