Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
