TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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