If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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