come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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