Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
