shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
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