I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
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