we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Randomize
