That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Randomize
