woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
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Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
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His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize