You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
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Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
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I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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