He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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