Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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