He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
