i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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