Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
