my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
