you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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