I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize
