Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
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