I feel like abortions should bother me more
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
He passed out mid-signature
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize
