I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize