so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have feelings that need drinking.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
