dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
