I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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