I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
