so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
