She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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