Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
