ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
