So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
