I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
