u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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