Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
