Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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