so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
