I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
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