Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Randomize
