Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize