Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
