just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
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