Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
