just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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