Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
