Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
