Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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