he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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