I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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