areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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