He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
