Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
