90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
