apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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