God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
