I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize
